What is Your Response to Change?
Written by Lori Radun on October 5th, 2009
Have you ever had a child that resisted bedtime? Perhaps your child was afraid of the dark, was sensitive to every noise he heard, or simply couldn’t relax himself enough to fall asleep. Well, that is our son Ian, and he has had challenges with bedtime from an early age. To help him feel comfortable at night, my husband and I would lie down with him until he fell asleep. Now we are trying to change this bedtime routine because not only is it unhealthy for Ian, it is becoming challenging for us.
My husband and I share the bedtime adventure, and last night was my night to put Ian to bed. We started with a warm bath to relax him, and normally we would read together in bed before going to sleep. But last night Ian lost that privilege because he wasnt being a good listener in the bathtub. So at 8 oclock I put him in his bed with some books, attempted to tuck him in, and gave him a kiss goodnight.
Ian is convinced he needs to see one of us when he falls asleep, even though most of us fall asleep with our eyes closed. So we set up a new routine that included dimming his light while I sat in the middle of my own bed reading. As long as Ian stays on the left hand side of his bed, he can see down the hallway into my bedroom. It sounds like this new change could have promise, but not when Ian is resisting change with every bone in his body.
Ian had a million excuses why he couldn’t fall asleep. Every time I tried to make a new suggestion, he resisted that idea too. To tell you the truth, he was wearing me down, so I decided to just follow his energy. The next time he said to me “I can’t fall asleep”, I simply said “Then don’t go to sleep. You can stay up all night. Just keep your eyes open and make sure you don’t close them.” The reverse psychology worked. He resisted that idea too and he went to sleep!
You know what they say about change. It’s the one constant in your life you can count on. Successful and happy people respond well to change. Our relationship with change can vary greatly depending on the change we are faced with. To create the life we desire to live, it is important for us to understand how we respond to change, and consciously adjust our tendencies to serve us in positive ways.
Here are five responses to change. Do you recognize yourself in any of these?
The avoider lives in denial about change. He or she is oblivious to change that needs to take place. When change is presented, the avoider will do whatever is necessary to stay away from change. Denial is a self-protection mechanism that protects us from pain. The avoider sees change as painful, therefore believes that if the pain is ignored, it will eventually go away. It is normally a strong external circumstance or person that shakes the avoider up and propels her to change.
The resister may understand that change is needed, but she will fight with change. The resister can come up with a million reasons why ideas wont work. My client recently shared an experience she had with her mother. Her mother is constantly complaining about all the clutter in her home, and not having enough time to deal with it. In an effort to help her mom, my client made several suggestions, including offering her assistance to help her organize and declutter. Every suggestion was met with an excuse, and change did not take place. The resister is gaining more perceived benefit from not making change, and therefore will remain stuck until those benefits are resolved.
The talker is similar to the resister, but normally has a greater desire to make changes. She often talks about the changes she wants to make, but is still struggling to take action. Talking about change is good. It is a positive step in the right direction. Before I finally took action on decluttering my entire house, I would talk about it all the time. I would set goals to encourage me to take action, but wasn’t following through. Eventually, I got over the hump of talking about change, and actually created the change I wanted in my life. (You can read all about my decluttering journey on my blog at www.themomcoach.com)
The fizzler can be compared to a sparkler. She recognizes change that needs to take place, enthusiastically plan her approach to change, and jumps in with two feet to take action. She has fire and energy like a sparkler in the beginning, but then slowly begins to fade until she dies out and abandons the change. The fizzler will start again, but will often stop midway on her journey. Sometimes the fizzler is successful with change, and other times she gives up.
The embracer loves change, and wholeheartedly wraps her arms around change. She sees change as an opportunity to make life better or do things differently. The embracer loves to learn and she handles change gracefully. Even though she will acknowledge that change is not always easy, the embracer has the positive attitude to get the most out of change, the perseverance to weather the ups and downs, and a strong mental mindset that keeps her grounded and moving forward.
So what change would you like to make in your life? What unsolicited change is taking place around you? What change would you like to see take place in your family or in this world? And what is your relationship to that change?
Tags: change, change management, coaching, creating change, Goal Setting, handling change, managing change, Motivation, personal development, positive change, relationship with change, seeing opportunity, self help, transitions
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